


The Revenge Speech

by whitexblackrose



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Wedding, best man speech
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2015-10-23
Packaged: 2018-04-27 18:43:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5059810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitexblackrose/pseuds/whitexblackrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When John is asked to be Sherlock’s best man, of course there’s going to be a little bit of mock revenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Revenge Speech

**Author's Note:**

> Because of course we the fandom have thought of what John's best man speech would be.

John scanned the room as people filtered in. It was the day of Sherlock’s wedding and people were arriving at the hotel for the dinner.

Molly, the beautiful bride, gave him and Mary a hug. “Now, promise to be good?”

“What makes you think I’ll be anything but?” John asked.

“John,” Mary said warningly.

The man raised his right hand. “I solemnly swear that I won’t embarrass you or Sherlock.”

“Oh no, I encourage it.” Molly leaned in and whispered, “Just go easy on him.”

John smirked and quickly hid it when Sherlock joined them with Lizzie on his hip. The toddler was hanging off of her godfather looking like the cat who got the cream; or a child who got a year’s worth of ice cream cones in exchange for keeping her flower girl dress on when the child was in a stage when she wanted to be in just her pullups and only her pullups.

“Still holding my daughter hostage, Sherlock?” Mary questioned, seeing that the man was using the child as a shield against overly social people.

“Erm…” Sherlock tried to not to look sheepish but when Lizzie fussed for her mum, he looked slightly panicked.

Mary shook her head and took Lizzie before she fell out of Sherlock’s hands. “See you after the toasts.”

 

People settled in their seats and John scanned the room once more. After reading through the telegrams with offhand comments from Sherlock, the man looked at his best friend with a smile that bordered on manic.

“Sherlock Holmes,” John dragged out, “many things can be said about the detective Sherlock Holmes. Even more can be said about the man. Though many of the first things that come to mind are not of the compliment type.”

Several, mostly those from the Scotland Yard and Bart’s, chuckled while Molly giggled and hid her huge grin behind her hand. Sherlock, on the other hand, blinked out of confusion.

“My blog is full of some of those comments of the uncomplimentary kind, but if you are around Detective Inspector Lestrade I am guessing that you have heard a majority of those.”

Realization sparked as what was being said and where the speech was headed hit the groom. Sherlock panicked briefly. Molly grabbed his hand in response and mouthed, “behave.”

“Sherlock Holmes is a great man with a good heart. Not everyone realizes that, but as his best friend I can say that he’s the greatest man I’ve ever met. It’s true that he can be an utter arse, and a few of us can come up with a long list of things he’s done wrong, but he did two things right: accepting a veteran for his flatmate and asking Molly out on a date after years of missing some not so subtle hints.” John turned to Molly. “Thank you, Molly, for sending that last hint. Until that day I did not know my friend could blush. You’ll find the package full of your underwear in a tub labeled, ‘socks,’ in Sherlock’s closet. You will also find some your missing jumpers in the basement. Forgive me for not rescuing them all from Sherlock’s wrath. If you are in need of jumpers in patterns that make your husband’s eyes bleed, I have a patient who can knit one up for you.”

“John!” Sherlock hissed at the same time the room exploded with laughter.

Molly smacked Sherlock’s arm while giving a look that promised they’d talk later.

“Antics aside; we may not all admit it but Molly is a lucky woman. Sure there will be days when I might be called in to make him grow up… Or patch up a wound…Or keep him from getting shot in the first place.” John chuckled inwardly at that one, knowing that his wife will chew him out in private later. “But we can all agree that Sherlock is lucky to have met a woman who doesn’t just tolerate and accept his quirks, experiments, and manners – or the lack there of – he has a wife who can call him out on it when he goes too far and has a wide range of threatening looking instruments to back her up.”

Molly smiled while Sherlock looked like a chastised child.

“Not everyone will believe this, but these two became a couple through Molly’s determination…”

*

“Sherlock!” John called up the stairs while carrying Lizzie up the stairs. He looked through the open door and found his friend staring at an open package on the table. “Sherlock?”

Lizzie’s babble pulled Sherlock out of his thoughts. Instead of talking, he shoved a letter at John.

“Now you don’t have to discreetly steal them anymore. Love Molls,” John read aloud then flipped the letter over to read a hand written note scribbled on the back. “P.S. Dinner is at eight, bring boxes to help me pack.”

John peered inside the box and gawked. Inside was full to the top of women’s underwear. Flabbergasted, he sat down and stared at Sherlock.

“Care to explain?” he asked.

“I apparently have been dating Molly Hooper without even knowing it. Started not that long after my almost unfortunate mission that Mycroft got me out of a few months back. We’ve had our – how would you put it? – adult time over at her place since Mrs. Hudson’s hearing is getting better for her age instead of worse. I’ve bought a total of thirty-six dinners for us and have apparently taken Molly on thirty-seven dates without even realizing what I was doing. If you count the lab meet ups that would make it five thousand and-”

“And the box full of underwear?” John asked.

“I slipped a few pairs into my suit after removing it from her. Most of them were the plain kind, which I replaced with something that fit her age,” he answered without blinking.

John sighed. “Too much information, Sherlock.”

“Her lease is up at the end of the month and rather than renew it, she thought that it’d be better to move in with me since we’ve worked out so well as a couple.” Sherlock peaked his fingers. “How could I have missed this?”

“Let’s see,” John said while thinking, “you’ve missed a lot of signals; the dress at the Christmas party, longing gazes, her helping you fake your bloody death, her coming over to make dinner for you while you were sick when Mrs. Hudson was on vacation, getting your coffee order right and without being asked for you when you’re in the lab, putting up with you with a smile on her face-”

“I get it, I was blind!” Sherlock snapped. Lizzie jumped from the sound and started crying.

John glared at his friend and picked the infant up. “Relationships can be a good thing.”

“But what do I do when mum wants to meet her?” the man whined.

“What about it?”

“It is obvious that Mycroft will never marry, even if he does I doubt he will have the time for sex since he lives at his office, so that means the expectation of passing on the family name and providing my parents with grandchildren to spoil falls to me. But, if mum starts a conversation with Molly I’ll be lucky to pull her away from it.” A visible pout showed on Sherlock’s face.

“And you don’t want to share,” John concluded. “Well, you’ll come to it when you come to it. Now then, there was a little agreement you forgot.”

“John, my life is being turned upside down and you want me to babysit?” Sherlock questioned.

“Yes, because you promised to watch your goddaughter for one weekend so Mary and I can celebrate our anniversary,” John replied and passed the baby over to him. “You can bring her over to Molls, those two always have a good time together.”

Sherlock rolled his eyes but kept Lizzie safely cradled in the crook of his arm. “There are a million and one arguments as to why this idea of yours is foolish.”

“When you have a kid, I’m going to remind you of this and then I’m going to take whatever bribe you give me so you can have a romantic getaway with your wife that ends with sex that will tie you over until the kid has his or her first sleep over.”

*

“You never told me that,” Molly whispered and Sherlock shrugged.

“Sherlock’s oblivious moments in romance never stopped. A perfect example of this was when he told me he was going to propose,” John continued, smirking when Sherlock’s face fell. “Like any good friend, I cut in and gave him some advice.”

*

“Why bother? I already know she’s going to say yes,” Sherlock said while recording the data from an experiment.

John gawked at his friend. “Sherlock, you are not going to cheat Molly out of a romantic proposal.”

“But-”

“Sherlock, you are not going to be an arse and you are going to give your girlfriend the proposal she deserves to have. No smart mouthing, no rushing, and no deducing. Got it?” John cut in with that military tone that meant pure business.

The detective nodded mutely.

“I want to hear it, Sherlock.”

“I’ll do the right thing for Molly,” Sherlock promised.

*

“…But apparently after getting tongue-tied during dinner and forgetting to propose, Sherlock decided to leave the ring in autopsy with a letter for Molly to find.”

“Sherlock,” Mrs. Hudson and Mrs. Holmes scolded. From the table to the left, Lestrade uttered something that earned him a smack upside the head by his date.

The man’s only defense was holding up Molly’s left hand to prove that it wasn’t something to scold him over.

“It was romantic,” Molly assured them. She still had the letter and had scanned it into the computer so she’d always have it. Like the man who wrote it, the letter babbled on for a while – giving a list for why they were so good together – before Sherlock told her that he couldn’t imagine life without her. That while he was a man who rarely realized emotions and had never been in love, and therefore never knew what it felt like, he imagined that what he felt towards her was what he thought love would be. He acknowledged that he would screw up, make her cry, and would be deserving of a slap or two; and asked her if she would marry him despite his faults.

“Though neither of those moments do justice to their humorous first Christmas as a couple,” John commented.

*

221B Baker Street was well decorated between Molly and Mrs. Hudson’s efforts. Even the tree looked normal considering that Sherlock thought the impromptu ornaments of science equipment – mostly beakers – was safer than tinsel. The building smelled of the dinner to come and the Watsons were impressed.

“I’d ask how but I’m sure Sherlock would give a horrible explanation,” John commented.

Molly giggled. “His job was to keep Toby occupied and away from the tree.”

“A job I see he’s still doing,” Mary noted as she watched Sherlock relocate said tabby whenever he approached the tree in the corner.

When news of Lizzie’s arrival reached Mrs. Hudson and Mrs. Holmes, the infant was whisked away to be spoiled by her foster grandmothers. John laughed and joined Sherlock.

“I’m guessing you got Molly a wonderful Christmas present,” he commented before tasting the punch.

The detective froze.

“Sherlock?” John looked at his friend in worry.

*

“… And then we had the comical evening of Molly pulling out a few dozen IOUs out of her stocking for not-yet released movies and gift cards,” John finished.

The room filled with chuckles and Sherlock slouched.

“I can go on and on about this new era in my best friend’s life, but I’m going to be nice and not torment him with more words that lead to eye rolls.” John raised his glass and everyone copied. “To Sherlock and Molly. May they have a long, happy, and non-violent life together.”


End file.
